Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Is God Really Real After All?

God is REAL and he desires a relationship with all of us! These are my lessons learned in 2017, during my first year of seeking an intimate relationship with God.

Lessons learned in 2017 about God, in no particular order:
Share yours in the Comments!

1. Say YES! Last year I made a decision to do Youth with a Mission which is a 5 month Discipleship Training Program, it begins this year in March- 12weeks bible study and 10 weeks overseas. Many times I have gotten the comment that’s great do you feel like its your calling/were you called? Or that’s great God has a strong calling on your life etc. It wasn’t a grand thing, and I don’t want anyone to get discouraged about doing missions or looking into what it would be like to be a missionary. My decision came from a place of really desiring a intimate relationship with God, starting to read my bible and one day I read Matthew 28:19 “Therefore go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father in the name of the Son and in the name of the Holy Spirit.” Then I said Okay and began researching missions, simple. I have no idea what’s to come or what’s going to happen after, this is really the first time in my life I don’t have everything planned out, but I am really excited. I was also reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan which is a must read.

2. Heart Conditions- like envy, jealous, greed, selfish, anger, cheating, addiction etc. and if someone upsets your not fighting flesh against flesh look at yourself, your spirit your walking in, and your heart condition. For me I had to give up Tv, facebook, instagram, YouTube, and snapchat. Not that I think any of these things are bad, but for me I needed a break. I need to work on my heart condition of priorities, controlling thoughts while using social media and seeking God first not the last 5min of the day when I am about to fall asleep after playing on my phone for 5 hours.

3. Serving One Master- For me as a young adult, trying to build my life and be successful living in a world where more is better. This last year was about learning the true value of time and money. Your either serving God or the Devil and I was serving the devil when it came to making money, keeping it to myself, and choosing work over family time in order to make more money. Killing myself for what? To make more money for myself to store up for…one day. I am a fleeting vapor, nothing is mine because it all belongs to God. Seeking God even when I don’t feel like it.

4. The Bible- 2017 is the first time I have picked up a bible and read it, and I am so blown away by all the truth, wisdom, and Gods love poured out on each page. It was also a time of enjoying church for the first time and learning how vital it is for me to attend when it comes to accountability, staying focused on God and not getting blown off track. That being said I also began watching sermons at home at least two times a week which is when I really feel intimate with God. This has helped the most because sometimes in church its hard for me to be in the moment and connect.

5. Live Light- God loves me and wants to know everything. There is no reason to walk around with the weight of the world regrets, shame, guilt, worry, anxieties etc. Sometimes it is hard to let go but God is always there, ready to take the load.

6. Spiritual Warfare is real- 2017 has had its ups and downs of insomnia, sleep paralysis, nightmares, and to many to count almost car wrecks. It has shown me the importance of a Mentor someone to guide you, pray for you, be there to come pray over house and just be a good friend in Faith.

7. God is worthy of everything- 2017 was a learning year, trying everything to try and make myself feel something- worthy, successful, alive. Trying new jobs, school, apartment, dating apps etc. To being embraced by God who calls me daughter, picked me up, turned my life around, gave me purpose and joy. God is worthy!

8. Prayer- Is the most important thing when it comes to seeking and maintaining a relationship with God. This is something I struggled with in the beginning, and you might be in the same boat, my advice would be to start by just being conscious of God throughout the day in your thoughts. Maybe starting off just talking to him all day long,  even if its just a few words at a time, like Thank you God. It doesn’t have to be a scheduled time and when it comes to talking to God,  sharing your thoughts and feelings there is no wrong way to do it, God loves and wants YOU ALWAYS.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall
Have I Learned Anything at all
Past predicts your future
Things you think become your habits
Unless you let God have it

Mirror Mirror on the wall
I thought you were the only friend, I could count on
But you are flawed
You tell me lies, you don’t see me for what’s on the inside
I have learned to find truth
In my saviors eyes

Mirror mirror on the wall
I have to go there’s people in need
I don’t have time to stand around, just looking at me
With greed, envy, jealousy
There’s so much more than me, me, me

Mirror Mirror on the wall
This is the year, I surrender all
The year GOD gets it all
Reflection of self seeking ways, with only me in mind
This is where I leave you behind
Goodbye

Sacrifice is my meditation word for 2018. The Hebrew word for Sacrifice is Korban which means “coming closer”. It derives from the root word Karev which means to “Draw near” to gain intimacy with God. Thoughts behind this word is God has given me everything and I struggle somedays to give him anything. This year is about giving God my time, heart, thoughts, not only tithe but offering, and being a servant to the kingdom of God.

Mark 1:43-45
Whoever wants to become great among you must serve the rest of you like a servant. 44 Whoever wants to become the first among you must serve all of you like a slave. 45 In the same way, the Son of Man did not come to be served. He came to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many people.”

Philippians 3:7-10
Those things were important to me, but now I think they are worth nothing because of Christ. 8 Not only those things, but I think that all things are worth nothing compared with the greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of him, I have lost all those things, and now I know they are worthless trash. This allows me to have Christ 9 and to belong to him. Now I am right with God, not because I followed the law, but because I believed in Christ. God uses my faith to make me right with him. 10 I want to know Christ and the power that raised him from the dead. I want to share in his
sufferings and become like him in his death. 11 Then I have hope that I myself will be raised from the dead.

Luke 9:24
For whoever wishes to gain his life will loses it. And whoever loses his life for my-sake, he is the one who will gain it.

 

 

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Don’t Leave Me

Poem: Don’t Leave Me

I have tasted and seen
The great love you have for me
That’s when I make everything
Complicating
And even though you say every promise you keep
And your love
Is greater than all things
I just have a few things to say
Daughter to father
Daughter to father

Don’t leave me like everyone else
Don’ leave me I know I have my doubts
Don’t leave I am begging please
Don’ t leave me I know I’m overwhelming
Don’ t leave me I know Ive made mistakes
Don’t leave me when the battles hard to face
Don’t leave me when I don’t make sense
Don’t leave me when I fall to sin
Don’t leave me in my brokenness
Don’ t leave me
Daughter to father
Daughter to father

Everything I say to you
Is a promise to help carry you through
I am not going anywhere
I love you
Together we can conquer anything
My love is greater than all things
I just have a few thing to say
Father to daughter
Father to daughter

Don’t leave me I have plans for you
Don’ t leave me I consecrated you
Don’t leave me I am never leaving you
Don’t leave me heaven wants you
Don’t leave me I can give you hope
Don’t leave me when there’s so much to say
Don’t leave me I am begging you to stay
Don’t leave me there nothing you can do,
To make me not want you
Don’t leave me
Father to daughter
Father to daughter

I am running
I am running
I am running
I am running
I am running straight to you

I am never leaving your light
I am never leaving your peace
I am never leaving your joy
I am never leaving your kindness
I am never leaving your faithfulness
I am never leaving your goodness
I am never leaving your strengthen
I am never leaving your love
You gave me when you died on the cross
I am never leaving
I love you
I love you
I am never going to walk away from you

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Don’t Leave Me

This season has been interesting, I woke up one day thinking what happened. I was so on track with God worshipping, journaling, praying, reading, and watching sermons. Waking up one day a couple of weeks ago and thinking what in the world happened I wasn’t praying, daily schedule was a mess, not working out, and really bad insomnia. Not really doing anything to connect with God throughout the day. When before that’s all I thought about, it was a constant awareness throughout the day and conversation with him. To thinking God where are you, when really it was me, slowly trying to take things back into my own hands and control without even realizing it. I wasn’t letting God control my day and actions, instead doing what I felt with my time, schedule and finances. To waking up one day and praying “God I am lost and it crept in. I need you stay with me” Receiving an overwhelming peace that God isn’t going anywhere, he is waiting for me.

Luke 15:20-24
20 “The son got up and went to his father. While he was yet a long way off, his father saw him. The father was full of compassion for him. He ran and threw his arms around him and kissed him. 21 The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am not good enough to be called your son.’ 22 But the father said to the workmen he owned, ‘Hurry! Get the best coat and put it on him. Put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet. 23 Bring the calf that is fat and kill it. Let us eat and be glad. 24 For my son was dead and now he is alive again. He was lost and now he is found. Let us eat and have a good time.’

 

Permission To Be DIFFERENT

Poem.

I see bullets as they fly, traitors crossing enemy lines, I hear the cries
There’s a war going on in my mind
It’s myself getting in the way of gods time
His peace, His love I could go for days
But I already stopped listening anyways
I don’t understand because our hashtag blessings
Come from the things with the most dollar signs
Society has taught me worth
Comes from my Instagram feed, Facebook likes, retweets and tinder swipes
I will forever be searching for the meaning of my life
But I will never find it, until I live like my identity is found in Jesus Christ
My creator, savior, Christ the King who’s love for me is greater than all things
Who says pick up your cross child
Trust in me

The God who created butterflies giraffes
Everything wants you and me for eternity
I know he has a more creative plan for me
I need to stop sending snapchats to guys who never really wanted me
Hiding things on my computer history
Because lukewarm people won’t make it into heaven
To praise and sing with the Lord in heaven
I am in a stalemate to much knowledge to suppress
But to scared to take a step forward jump of the ledge

Holy Spirit come save me I want to know God more
Because that’s the only time I don’t feel swallowed anymore
By the black hole this earth has created by saying the American Dream is the only thing that is valuable
But I will always be chasing
Never been so alone, guess this is it work to the death and not enjoy it at all

But I was a good person God why didn’t I get my ticket into heaven
This is something I never want to question
Judgement day is always near
God I can’t tell you why you still let me live here
For I deny you when others are near
Please deliver me from this fear
For I know Jesus Christ is the only one who can save me
From this life I have so far been wasting
I pray every day I am welcomed home
God I no longer want to hide my face
I know I am saved by grace
Today I start over make me new
I am not of this world
I want heavens view

 

Permission to be different

I am 23 and I have never had a boyfriend, this is something I always felt embarrassed about. Why cant I just have what everyone else has, why can’t I fit in its not easy to make friends, I don’t like parties or drinking. Always felt why would they want to be my friend if I don’t relate to them. We would have nothing to talk about, so I never really tried. Which turned into telling myself “your weird, I hate you, your stupid, everyone can do life why are you so awkward”. I tried to fill the God shaped hole in my soul with everything jobs, education, materialistic things, social media, Tv, working out, food etc. About a year ago I had reached everything I set out to do, about to finish my education, working at one of the highest paying places I could work for my career and feeling like I needed more- unsatisfied. The last thing on my list was a boyfriend so I got tinder ( you can laugh it worst idea ever) at this point in my life never been on a date, never really talked to guy, or had a first kiss. Got tinder and basically threw myself at whoever would pay attention to me. I promised my Dad before he passed that I would save myself for marriage and that is what god wants, so from a young age that is something I have always felt a strong conviction to keep. During this season I wasn’t listening to God or his plans. Doing everything my way in my time. Knowing this wasn’t what God wanted, but I didn’t care because I wanted to fit in and do what everyone else was doing. Trying to convince myself that it’s not really sex, putting myself in scary situations with basically strangers, who didn’t really know me and who didn’t know God. Doing things I never ever thought I would do and convincing myself it’s okay this is how the world works its normal in society. Leading to more destruction, but God staying with me, loving me, and being a good good father it was definitely a teaching season. Even though I did everything to try and be “good” my whole life no drinking, cussing, family first and I had waited until 21 to have my first kiss. It was not Gods timing and with a stranger in situation I didn’t need to be in, thinking this was exactly what I needed to do, it was right. All sins are forgiven through Jesus, but God would rather be blessing us than teaching us, my lesson was 3 months with Mono. That didn’t stop me from being selfish and seeking my ways over God, missing what was right in front of me the purest love God himself, healing, unbreakable commitment to me, and what I have been searching for my whole life. Instead trading that in for guys I would meet once or twice trying to convince myself every time this is the one. When really I was compromising everything about myself and morals. After about 8 months (which in the Bible 8 signifies new beginnings) I had my come to Jesus moment. A guy came over unexpectedly that I told I didn’t want to hang out with again. He came in pretty aggressive and just saying a bunch of stuff, like I am already here, we wont go to far, lets just chill. I remember laying on the bed, looking at the ceiling and saying “God I don’t want to do this anymore please save me”. After a couple more minutes I got the courage and kicked him out. That situation could have turned out to be totally different story and God saved me from a destructive way of living and thinking. Instead he said daughter of mine, you are mine and I love you. That day I cried, prayed, went and opened my Bible- Psalms 34 which was beyond perfect and a moment I will cherish. Truly a day that changed everything, God is worthy of all my praise, and about 2 weeks later decided to do Youth with a Mission Discipleship Training School. The night I decided yes I want to give this all up my job, apartment, security, to live for God and that is when I wrote this poem which is the first one I ever wrote. I began to read Crazy Love by Francis Chan (favorite book) it has so much truth, questions we should be asking ourselves and what our lives should look like. I was stuck in figuring out how to be normal and fit in when God calls us for so much more than normalcy. God gives us the authority to be set free and not to be conformed to the world. When I was reading the book it was like I needed permission to be who I always thought I wanted to be. I was like wait “your telling me I don’t have to have a ton of stuff or money and things to be counted as successful, its okay to be single, its okay not to like parties and drinking, its okay to not fit in, its okay to be different you weren’t called to be a copy of someone else, what would Jesus and his lifestyle look like if he was on earth today, God wants so much more than just trying to have good behavior, he wants me for who I am and my heart, his ways and will is the only thing I have to answer to and what’s truly worth living for, I am set free because of Jesus and the cross” One part in my poem it says “I know you have a more creative plan for me” God created every animal, person, and nature etc. Yes, God has a more creative plan for all of us than the life we choose on our terms if we have faith and trust in him. Permission to be different.

Mark 5:28-34
28 For she said to herself, “If I can only touch His coat, I will be healed.” 29 At once the flow of blood stopped. She felt in her body that she was healed of her sickness.30 At the same time Jesus knew that power had gone from Him. He turned and said to the people following Him, “Who touched My coat?” 31 His followers said to Him, “You see the many people pushing on every side. Why do You ask, ‘Who touched My coat?’” 32 He looked around to see who had done it. 33 The woman was filled with fear when she knew what had happened to her. She came and got down before Jesus and told Him the truth. 34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be free from your sickness.”

Romans 12:2English Standard Version (ESV)
2 Do not be conformed to this world,[a] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.[b]

Sermon on Sex and relationships: What’s the problem with Pineapples by Pastor Levi Lusko Amazing Sermon about sex and the world vs. Bible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doubt Your Doubts

Poem: Welcome Home

I open my eyes
I don’t know where I am or how I got here
I just know I have to be somewhere
I don’t know how to get there
But a burning desire like a magnet is pulling me there

Childhood memories of laughter and the good times play in my head
I look down at my feet walking on the cracked sidewalk
I turn the corner and I see an old rugged house
Rundown, unkept, Cobb webs
The one on the corner no one liked
It was a poor sight

But something was drawing me there
I walked up the noisy stairs and knocked on the door
First knock
The door cracked open
The light from the house was so bright
I squint my eyes as I walked in
It was so warm, I felt it on the inside
As looked around the house it was all white
Pristine

I didn’t sit down, my clothes were unclean
I just looked around in awe
And the people were so colorful
Laughing and joking
They were alive
More alive than I have ever seen with my own eyes

They loved
It was unfiltered, unmasked
They loved
No standards or credentials
They loved
Genuine, authentic
They loved
Holding hands even though they didn’t speak the same tongue
They loved
Not looking to receive or how they were perceived
They loved
Uninterrupted conversation and questions with concern
They loved
Praise for one another, appreciation
They loved
Unity, community
They loved
Respect, promises kept
They loved
Hugs and kisses
They loved
No envy or jealously
They loved
Everyone had worth and was welcome
They loved
No separation, but equal
They loved
Brothers and sisters, race had no place
They loved
No rules, regulations
They loved
Acceptance, seen for who they truly are
They loved
No mold to fit, everyone was beautiful
They loved

The room went silent
As the host came down the stairs
He was so beautiful I couldn’t stop my stare
It was so quiet you could hear the heart beats of everyone
Beating like a drum
He said I am Jesus and you are loved
Welcome home
You are washed in the blood
You lived your life for God
You chose right over wrong

And I know your life was hard
Might not have looked the best from the outside world view
And people might have wondered why you chose me, to submit too
They may have even left your side, questioned you
But You looked Satan straight in the eyes
Holding on to my truth

Over and over you got up with my shield ready for the fight
Knowing I would protect, looking for the light
You chose gods peace to carry you
You helped spread gods word
Simple and clear for all to hear
Love me with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind
Love your neighbor as yourself
You done the greatest commandments
You have saved yourself

Now for eternity you will live in the lords house
Welcome home child I have been waiting for you
Since that day I hung on the cross and I seen you perfectly created face
And paid your ransom so you could join me one day
I LOVE YOU.

The roar of praise and joy that came from the people
For the glorious name Jesus
Could shatter a googolplex of galaxies
Because there is nothing that has ever or will exist with more worth
Than the creator, savior, Christ the King, God my father
Who has always loved me
Never left or forsake me
And all he ever asked of me
Was to surrender my heart
I looked down at my clothes
Now clean
All white
Pristine

Doubt your doubts is what was placed on my heart one day when I was questioning God about heaven. I like to talk to God when I am driving to work and I was going over what I believe in my heart. First I have always believed in miracles, God, Satan, last two years truly believing God in the form of man Jesus came to earth and died on the cross for our sins. Then I stumbled on Heaven not that I didn’t think Heaven was real, I just can’t comprehend eternity, we will lack nothing, all the people etc. God put on my heart “look around I created all of this, I created you think about just yourself and how your body functions. Quit doubting me. Your not meant to understand heaven it’s not of your world what awaits you is inconceivable to the human mind.” Doubting my doubts and trusting God That’s what it is all about, who am I to question God. Then I was reminded of Luke 24:13-34 It’s about Cleopas and another traveler followers of Jesus who were in Jerusalem during the crucifixion of Jesus but decided to leave early walking seven miles to Emmaus, the day Jesus was going to rise from the dead. On there walk they were talking to each other and Jesus walks up to them not revealing to them who he is and asks what they are talking about. Cleopas told Jesus with sadness about what happened

“He was a prophet who did powerful miracles, and he was a mighty teacher in the eyes of God and all the people. 20But our leading priests and other religious leaders handed him over to be condemned to death, and they crucified him. 21We had hoped he was the Messiah who had come to rescue Israel. This all happened three days ago.22“Then some women from our group of his followers were at his tomb early this morning, and they came back with an amazing report. 23They said his body was missing, and they had seen angels who told them Jesus is alive! 24Some of our men ran out to see, and sure enough, his body was gone, just as the women had said.”25Then Jesus said to them, “You foolish people! You find it so hard to believe all that the prophets wrote in the Scriptures.26Wasn’t it clearly predicted that the Messiah would have to suffer all these things before entering his glory?” 27Then Jesus took them through the writings of Moses and all the prophets, explaining from all the Scriptures the things concerning himself.

After Jesus rose from the grave he had 40 days and the first place he went was to two people with little faith and headed in the wrong direction. They were sad and talking to Jesus about Jesus and how they were disappointed when he was right in front of them. When they got to Emmaus Jesus acted like he was still going on but Cleopas begged him to stay. Jesus went home with them they sat down to eat Jesus broke the bread gave it to them and they recognized him and in the moment disappeared.

32They said to each other, “Didn’t our hearts burn within us as he talked with us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us?” 33And within the hour they were on their way back to Jerusalem. There they found the eleven disciples and the others who had gathered with them, 34who said, “The Lord has really risen! He appeared to Peter.”

Doubt your doubts does your heart not burn when you hear the truth of God’s word. God is right in front of us active in our lives everyday are we too busy trying to comprehend everything with our mind, not trusting God and missing him when he is right in front of us.

This poem is about Heaven if it was on earth and doubting my doubts just because I can’t figure out how heaven is going to operate doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Burning desire pulling me there, thinking about everything I am grateful for, but at the same time looking at cracked sidewalks because nobody is perfect and everyone’s life is going to have trials. The house rundown because what would Jesus look like if he was here today I don’t think he would live in a million dollar mansion and heaven is nothing but sinners. We are not judged on what the world sees or our past, but what matters is what’s on inside.

Luke 11:9-10
Jesus said to them 9“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 22:36-40
37 Jesus said to him, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest of the Laws. 39 The second is like it, ‘You must love your neighbor as you love yourself.’ 40 All the Laws and the writings of the early preachers depend on these two most important Laws.”

Pristine- in its original condition, unspoiled. Clean and fresh as if new; spotless.

Link to my favorite sermon about Emmaus road from Pastor Steven Furtick

Link to a spoken word called A Shadow Of A Doubt by Joseph Solomon. It is so beautiful and perfect, YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT!

 

 

My #1 Struggle in Hearing God

What I struggle with the most when it comes to my walk with God is distractions. Especially social media, YouTube, Tv and worrying what others think. Everyday waking up trying to reprioritize my mind what’s important and what’s not. When 98% of the things I think/worry, do in my spare time, and look at on my phone are not important at all. I think a lot people have that one thing that God delivered them from and is their testimony, but everyday we are sinners, everyday God is saving us and helping us work through things. One day I was feeling like I am not hearing God anymore, when I first started my journey everyday I would get poem, song, or revelation. I prayed God why can’t I hear you, then wrote down this poem. It was a wake up call he revealed “it’s not me (God) I love you and never leaving- your distracted with everything/ everyone and wonder why you can’t hear me”. I truly feel that I didn’t write this (I know that sounds crazy) but for real I wrote it down, looked at it and knew none of it came from me. I absolutely hated English in school. Until this last year I never read a book for my own pleasure in my whole life, by no means did I ever think in a million years I would be writing down poems and songs. It just goes to show if we stop telling God how the relationship is going to go and telling him how he is going to use us, and submit to him. Things you never saw coming will happen because he is God.The first poem I ever wrote, was after I decided to do YWAM school (I will share it in a later blog) and I thought “this is nice”. Two weeks later saw Clayton Jennings who has awesome Christian spoken word videos. I was like wait God you use poems to spread your word. I was in awe and kind of ashamed that I always put God in a box. When he can use anything he wants, anyone, in anyway to spread his kingdom on earth. That includes YOU! I wanted to share this poem this week because it’s something that I am still struggling with a lot this last month and I think a lot of people can relate- it’s written as God is the one talking. If you have a struggle you want to share go to the contact page I want to pray for you.

POEM: Sinners Voicemail

Leave a message after the beep

BEEP

The deceiver delivered Adam and Eve out of their destiny
The chosen now unholy
Covered in leaves
Hiding in the trees
Hiding from me
The one who gave them a heart beat
What does this have to do with you
Belief into deceived
Crushed mustard seed
Adam and Eve that was so many years ago
Let me get to the point I know you got 10 text messages 5 seconds ago

Child why can’t you hear me when I am calling your name
Child don’t hide don’t run in shame
I sent my sons grace to deliver you
If only you would let me replace
The sin you have chosen to call home
You ask the universe- not me
Why you can’t get out of the situation your living in
Yet You refuse to give up the sin your lying in
Long enough for me to change you
Show you how your positioning is molding you

You can’t put your distractions away
Satan is beautiful
Like, scroll, and dream into a new life all day
Stop trying to be someone else, when I created you perfectly
You will be trying to fill this hole for the rest of your life
Unless you let me spring up a well
To flood out the hell you have created in yourself
I can cleanse you
Eternal life is waiting for you

But you won’t clean your ears or eyes or mouth
And your so consumed with the lies the world is feeding you
Stop eating your obesity is killing you
You will not climb higher in life when your dead weight is making it hard to breath
Your suffocating yourself
Look at me
If only you wouldn’t swallow
Instead chew on my truth
Be transformed not conformed
Prosperous life

Yet when I send you a best friend in the darkest times
You spit in her face, pull her hair, cuss her into thin air
I guess this is the only way to tell you
Grace has been trying to call you
Next time you might want to answer
She has a very important message for you
She has been in your contacts since the beginning
Every time you clicked on darkness instead of the light
Hating yourself not sleeping at night,
When you should have been dreaming about the wonders of life

Grace wanted to save you
A friend who will always hear you
She doesn’t need comments or likes
24/7 grace wants you just the way you are
Be apart of your life
She can save you from the sins you have fallen into
You just have to call her back, she is waiting for you

You weren’t meant to carry the knowledge of the world in your back pocket
And worship it like a deity
And throw away your morals to the first person who pays attention to you
Child do you hear me
There is no where you can go
Where I don’t love you or can save you
Put me on speaker phone I love you
And I am not going anywhere, I claim you as my child

I am not going to stand down
When the prince of the air is hunting you
Lion on the prowl wanting to devour you
Because there is nothing or no one who can defeat me
But you let evil in minute after minute denying me
No wonder your stressed
And even though you have the knowledge of the world
You can’t see it’s a trap

The world wants you to miss the very thing that gives you life
By feeding you things you think you need to survive
But only brings you lies
And I don’t want you to die wondering what happened to the time
Why did I waste my life when I could have been living
Is the question I don’t want my children to be asking

We look at Eve and ask why did she bite the apple
Yet you can’t keep your eyes off the bitten Apple
Bitting into it everyday
Bitting the apple thinking it’s going to better you
Bitting the apple looking for a different you
Bitting the apple believing you will get ahead
Bitting the apple hand delivered from the enemy
Bitting the apple when I can make you no longer hungry
Bitting the apple losing me
Bitting the apple rotting your destiny
Bitting into the apple looking for anything to hold onto
But the guy on top of you is only going to crush you
Bitting the apple like it’s your next high—candy– roller coaster ride

Stop fooling yourself, I know your sick from the twists and up side downs
Thrown off course
If only you could see I am the cornerstone
Your foundation where you can stand tall, you will never fall- where I can’t catch you
Come to my banquet and I will forever sustain your appetite
With my sons name Jesus Christ

But you can’t hear me over
Ringing, dinging, buzzing all day long trying to to distract you
From seeing yourself, who you have become
Likes are your heroin
Comments cocaine
Snapchats from boys are your pain killers
Child please stop I am calling your name
Apples for you to bite are falling all around you
phone, social media, tv, friends, family,
Opposite sex just wanting to get you to your knees so you can worship them
Instead of me

Quit bitting the apple eve your just being deceived
Don’t think your alone
It’s everyone around you
Moms, dads, young adults, teens, children, families
Your all being deceived
The place you have access to read my truth
Is the same place you can watch pornography
It’s time to look up and see the world that I created for you
I set you a apart consecrated you
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
Plans to give you hope and a future

What I have planned for you is inconceivable to the human mind
I am just asking you to communicate with me
Start pruning your tree
But you need to stop letting what’s around you, separate us
Destroy you
Put down the apple eve all I want to do is love you

It breaks my heart to see you cry
I promise the heat from my light
will evaporate the tears you cry
Rainbow, sunshine, I will send to you even in the darkest night
Let me save you
Please call home
I am waiting
Love your Heavenly Father

Sorry voice mailbox is full, sinner will not receive your message

 

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with ALL YOUR HEART, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”

I Am Begging You, Just Be You

I seen them, and I knew I had to be their friend
They always looked happy and got lots of attention
I made a list of what it would take to be one of them
Traded in my clarinet, my wardrobe, music, hair color, dissed my family and friends
Painted my nails, let go of some morals, tried to be thin
Sooner or later they let me in
I reached the circle every girl wishes to be in

But listen here
That wishing well is only filled with tears
From all the girls who got there
Praying that one day they could finally find their old selves
Who they used to be
Trapped in a never ending game of hide and go seek
20 questions turned into 20 million questions of who am I

Young girl it’s not worth cutting off your limbs
To squeeze yourself through the cookie cutter mold they hold
To get to the other side to realize you no longer feel whole
And a hole from where you left your soul on the other side of the cookie cutter mold
Now looking into the mirror to only see a black hole
To throw anything at yourself you can get your hands on
To try and make yourself feel better
because it was worth it
To sell yourself to the devil
But it wasn’t

No it’s the hunger games and you have no self esteem to fight to survive
So you try to Repay the price for which you sold yourself
But you already made the deal my dear
The day you decided to rebel
And go against all the morals your creator held
In his hands to feed you
Communion, Sunday
But you decided to let your insides decay
And decorate your face like a cake
Dress as if you only have one rag to cover yourself
And pretend your not cold

Even though you shake yourself to sleep as you weep
Pretending the rocking is from the lap of your grandmother
Singing you lullabies
Trying to remember that girl
With innocences, who didn’t care
Trust me I have been there
I threw away everything to try and fit in
To only find out to fit
Means to commit murder
A lifetime sentence to insecurity
Prison food, you can’t eat that
No boy will ever want you, if you look like that
To be popular is to drink poison
Because you will start
To not even want you
And throw yourself into any situation that lets you escape
I am begging you young girl
Save your self from bleeding to death
Don’t cut off your limbs
So you can sit at the lunch table with them

God created you perfect
You are beautiful
Did you hear me
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
Don’t let the world misconstrue
All the talents God gave you
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
I am begging you young girl
Just be you

Psalm 46:5 “God is within her, she will not fall.”
Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”
Romans 5:8 “I loved you at your darkest”
1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”
2 Chronicles 20:15 “The battle is not ours, but God’s.”

STORY TIME

In middle school I was in the band not really popular, had great friends, and a desire to be cool. I remember making a list and saying to myself I am going to be their friend. I played sports too, so I made more of an effort to go out of my way to be nice to the popular crowd. I wouldn’t say we were bffs off the bat, but by the next year I was sitting at their lunch table. Eighth grade wasn’t bad, but high school was when everything hit the fan. I began to compromise more and more of what I believed was right and how you treat people. I realized that there was nothing wrong with my old friends and they were completely happy. Who I was hanging out with was miserable and took it out on other people. I am from a small high school so I decided to just stay in the group to survive. Enduring 3 more years of manipulation, feeling worthless, and becoming I person I hated. The summer before my junior year my dad passed away after nine months of being diagnosed with cancer. I promise that was not the worst period of my life the memories made during that time are some of my favorite. It was the days after his death and the people I let stay in my life who had no place to be there. It took about 4 years after high school to really come to terms with things, start to move on and believe in myself. How I moved on was first stop believing the misconception that time heals all wounds. One of the biggest lies the world tells us, so we will never heal and stay hurt, depressed, bitter and never experience the fullness and faithfulness of God. We would rather chose to believe a man made concept of time which is an illusion, than take our problems to the one who gives us life. There is only one source that can heal your wounds and that is Jesus READ ISAIAH 53 “by his stripes we are healed.”I forgave the people and started praying for them. Praying that they can feel Gods love and purpose for them, praying for healing from this worlds thinking and values, but to seek the fruit of the spirit. I also had to forgive myself and pray that prayer for me. Believing that it is over to move on and know that God can’t not love me anymore or any less. The great thing about God is he is not of this world, so he doesn’t love us like the world we know. His love is pure, abounding, faithful, unconditional, steadfast, unchanging and is infinite nothing we have to do earn it. His message is always come as you are it doesn’t matter how much money you have, status, race, way of thinking, doubts, skeptism, sins, addictions, where you have been, what you have seen or done etc. GOD LOVES AND WANTS YOU FOR ETERNITY.  Whether you are 10 to 100 and your feeling trapped thinking there is no other way than what I am doing, but you know something is wrong and you are suffering. Please go to the contact page send me an email I want to pray for you!

Ephesians 6:10-17
10A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.13Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.d 16In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.e 17Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 

 

 

What Makes Me, Me?

As I look in the mirror
I criticize every detail of myself
I question if I have I heart beat
Am I still alive
As I draw a breathe
I think crap
I wish the girl in the mirror would just die
There’s no real meaning to life

I wasn’t always like this
The truth is the sparkle of life didn’t leave my eyes at 16
When you got your wings
And flew out of that hospice room at 6:35
No that fueled a fire to figure things out, prove people wrong, make something of myself
Even if I collapsed in the rat race
Nothing was going to stop the fight, I had to finish for you, you were to young to die
A little girl always needs her dad by her side

Wanting to make him proud is what gave me hope in the dead of night
The sparkle didn’t leave my eyes until I stepped out the door at 18
With wild dreams and determination
I didn’t need anyone to survive
Only to be met with the harsh reality that no one cares if I live or die
Opinions, and people who stand by wishing for my dream to die
Depression sets in and greeted with a standing ovation
The problem is this world doesn’t understand what I have already been facing

I have a Family that’s worth fighting for
A parade of kids who love me
More than I could ever ask for
The Sun will come out tomorrow is the song I will forever sing
No I am not a child
But I refuse to sip whatever you put in your adult drink
Standing in the mirror looking straight into my eyes
Trying to figure out what is the meaning of life

I had accomplished everything society expected of me
I should have been able to fall asleep
But the world never stops it’s whispers
I sold my self short that night
To a guy who probably doesn’t even remember what I look like
Hatred, shame, you name it, that was my name that day
That’s when I heard you say
“do YOU know that I love you, do you KNOW that I love you, do you know that I love you”

I am your Heavenly Father your going to be okay
I promise you can be saved by my sons grace
That hole you feel of wanting more
I am the only key to that locked door
Your sins are already paid for
I knew you before you were born
I saw your face as I hung from the cross that day,
Yes I came for the human race but trust me child I saw your face

The world thought I was a disgrace
Little did they know I would rise in 3 days
Forever being your saving grace
Love is the only message
I welcome you with open arms
Have faith, I am God
I never change, forsake or break a promise I make
I love you

Washed in the blood
You are made new
I have great plans for you
That far exceed what you are able to think
Pick up your cross child trust in me
You think this is living
You haven’t seen a party until you have been in Heaven
I can give you more than you can even imagine

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord
and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead,
you will be saved.”
Standing in the mirror looking straight into my eyes
The sparkle returned for the first time
22 I don’t want to die
That was the day that changed my whole life

God I surrender all to you
I can never repay you
So I will give you my soul and promise to fight the fight
To make Jesus Christ the light for all those lost in the night
To spread the word to all the nations
Send me
I want to be a firefly
For those who feel they aren’t strong enough
To make it through this momentary world life
Representing hope
There is resurrection for all lives
Only through you God will they be able to fill the hole inside
Be given eternal life

Psalms 27:1  “The Lord is my light and salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, whom shall I be afraid?”

Romans 10:9 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Psalms 62:5-6 “Only God gives inward peace, and I depend on Him. God alone is the mighty rock that keeps me safe, and he is the fortress where I feel secure.”

Every scar, every heart break, every challenge makes me, me. God is molding me so I can answer his call of spreading his kingdom to the ends of the earth. I am in awe, by  his works, his desire for a personally relationship and wake up everyday in desperate need of his truth and guidance, GOD IS REAL!  God is good and he is faithful I am a working progress, but there is nothing God doesn’t finish that he has started.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”